Me & Marraige

“I am ordering this online. Do you like this product?” This is the question I face most times from Raz. “Can you buy me xyz? Will you take me to the shop?” This is the question Raz faces from me.
For me life is all different after marriage. Nothing much left to think in terms of myself. All that changed into “us”. For each simple decision, it is not Do I need this? It is always Do we need this? – This is right from the choice of vegetables to choice of furniture.
I couldn’t agree upon “Two Bodies & Single Soul”. It is always “Two Individuals - Two Souls” meeting & going hand in hand. I realize, these arguments are not about winning or losing, it is all about understanding & adjusting. Even when love is there, ego comes in the middle but still the marriage will be protected becoz of love. It is the tolerance level we have of each other... that plays a vital role IMO, a good marriage is all how those 2 souls get transformed for the sake of each other.
After school, spending most of my time alone, taking every decision on my own, I found these sharing views very difficult. We both being opposite side of coin, we were never able to see others’ point of view and never came to a conclusion for any matter without an argument. But then, as days passed, there were more arguments and more understanding. The best thing is that nobody can blame the other if decision goes wrong.
After observing for a long time, I found this kind of surprising. Though we both are completely different, some how we like certain things instantly and go for it without any argument at all. This works out for major decisions as well. We do have some similarities – both being very adamant & very egoistic. In spite of this, many occasions I have seen him leaving the choice to my hands unless it is not going to affect “US”. Some times I have to fight against his firm decision and if I have a real proper justification, I will able to persuade him against his decision. I argue, I accept, we conclude. He decides, he explains, we conclude.
Recently we had a discussion with our friend’s family about this, he was saying “girls should adjust 80% & guys should adjust 20%”. I didn’t argue upon this, because, I knew there is no point in arguing, neither I m going to back off nor he gonna accept. It is all how one sees the life. I have seen couples who have the ratio as 50 – 50.
Well what is our ratio here? That is a question which I might find answer after years of arguments, understandings & transformation.

Hiccups....

Whenever I get hiccups, I heard people saying that someone was remembering me…or some one was scolding me… but never knew the actual reason. The fact is that, it is caused because of this diaphragm muscle. I might have sit in a wrong position causing the diaphragm unable to perform its function properly or might have eaten too quickly or anything else. . There are many solutions practiced around to stop the hiccups… like holding the breath, concentrating on something else [counting reverse] or drinking water from the opposite side of the glass.

Some times I think there are similarities between the hiccups & issues in our lives. For any issue, either we point out something else as the root cause of the problem or we never attempt to find the reason at all. It is easy to say some else is thinking about us & that caused the hiccups…the same way blaming others for the cause of our problems We complain about these hiccups , we unable to accept these are normal, we jump around and trying to get a fast solution… or sometimes fake solutions . There are certain issues where we can solve it just by setting ourselves right , for some we just ignore them and concentrate on anything else and for some we just cant do anything but accepting it & leaving it to the hands of time. Accepting a reason & working along with that is so far a biggest hurdle for me. It is like I am getting loud hiccups in a middle of a seminar or an exam hall [it has happened too]. It might be because of tension but I knew I can’t help it, but still I feel embarrassed. What can I do for that? You can leave the seminar hall but u can’t do the same in an exam hall… the same way for some issues, you can avoid it just by leaving it or ignoring it.

Have you ever enjoyed your hiccups? I do sometimes… I like that loud sound unless it is disturbing others. Do you think I enjoy my problems? Yes I do sometimes.

Being Good

I often wondered what is that exactly being a good person. Is it thinking or action or the consequences of the action? Which would categorize me as a good person?
Is it what you think as good or what other thinks about you?
I know I am not a perfect person, I would not say that I am always a good person. But does that mean I m a bad person? I read somewhere "what your thoughts are what you are!". I feel it is not about what you are thinking, but what you are doing with that.
When I was in school, one day we got a leisure period and every one was talking in the class except me. I wanted to but I was not able to as I had a severe head ache and I was simply lying down on the desk. When the teacher came, she made every one in the class to stand up on the bench but me. That day each and every one got punished because they were talking. Since I was not punished or somebody noticed me that I was not talking makes me a good person? If I didnt had that head ache then definitely I would have talked and got punished too. Here it is my action that made me a good person, not my thoughts.
When I was in lab for public exams, I helped my classmate to complete the experiment. Though I didn’t want to do that as I thought it was wrong. But I did saved the day for that person which doesn’t justify that I m a good person.
Once my friend said you can do whatever you want to do unless it is not affecting anyone else. I was not sure about that. I have noticed some who want to behave / act in a way but couldn’t do that due to the rules they confined to, often considering those who being frank about their thoughts as bad. And most of these thoughts are like “what if…”.
Does that mean they are good because they didn’t say it aloud? Well, there is no absolute line to differentiate good from bad.. And collective thoughts make a huge impact in defining the rules and most times overrides the individual thought. Good & Bad are like sides of a coin, like Jekyll & Hyde. One’s presence is the other’s absence. But again this is debatable, the same thought / action / consequence may be viewed differently at the same time but through different glasses.
In my opinion, it is a relative term. What I think as good may not be the same for anyone else. So I feel the scale varies as per ones needs & comfort level.