What Has Changed?

This morning when I was walking from the parking lot, I was so preoccupied. I barely noticed people smiling at me, wishing me good morning…I artificially wished back while my thoughts were filled with all the tasks that I was supposed to complete this day, status updates, follow ups, lined up issues etc. After a minute, I felt that something falling over my face and I realized it was drizzling. Something just snapped inside me…how much I used to love the drizzling… how much I would enjoy looking up the sky, letting the drops fall on my face.
I was thinking about all those little joys that I loved – rain, soft breeze, sound of leaves on a windy day, sun set, full moon…arrrrgggh… I just couldn’t remember any more. I know I used to appreciate lots of little things and I couldn’t list more than a few? What has changed in me? Am I become too artificial? Got lost into the world of maturity?

Situational Reaction

Lots of times there were incidents that I was raged with anger. But I would control myself and let go off. In shops where you see people just join in the middle of the queue, while travelling people behave in an irritating way to grab a seat etc. In office one faces such things a lot. A boss, who would drive you crazy, subordinates who just won’t respond to you, your teammate just wont cooperate. All such incidents, I wouldn’t show my anger or agony. Does this mean that I have lots of patience? Does this mean that I can forgive easily? No I wouldn’t.
I observe that I get angry easily with my near ones, hurt them by not controlling my rage. How can this be possible? Reacting in two different ways for the same situation? Some times I justify myself that I can be just ME with these near ones…how comfortable that thought is? But most times I end up in guilty feeling and cursing myself for my behavior. Well I have been trying very hard not to show face to my family and friends – all those who care about me. But what is it with getting matured all about? By the time shouldn’t I be like a saint in terms of controlling my temper? Some days back I was talking to my friend, how she was so controlled and never show face to any one. She answered “Forgive & Forget”. Now I am asking myself, can I do that? Forgive..Forget & LET GO????